Today reminded me of a joke I used to tell a lot...
What's the last thing that goes through a fly's mind when he hits the windshield?
His ass.
I'm also inspired to quote the great Dire Straits song "The Bug"
well it's a strange old game - you learn it slow
one step forward and it's back to go
you're standing on the throttle
you're standing on the breaks
in the groove 'til you make a mistake
(chorus)
sometimes you're the windshield
sometimes you're the bug
sometimes it all comes together baby
sometimes you're a fool in love
sometimes you're the louisville slugger
sometimes you're the ball
sometimes it all comes together baby
sometimes you're going to lose it all
you gotta know happy - you gotta know glad
because you're gonna know lonely
and you're gonna know bad
when you're rippin' and a ridin'
and you're coming on strong
you start slippin' and slidin'
and it all goes wrong because
(chorus)
one day you got the glory
one day you got none
one day you're a diamond
and then you're a stone
everything can change
in the blink of an eye
so let the good times roll
before we say goodbye, because
(chorus)
Today I'm gonna do the Top Ten Things You'd Never Want To See At Your Own Funeral:
10. A kiosk full of AOL disks. (They're everywhere!!!)
9. Pews with high speed internet access ports. (Just let it go...)
8. A one man protest group. (I want a crowd, dammit!)
7. Casket paid for by product placement. (It worked for Dale Earnhard) (I think I just earned my crowd...)
6. A bouncer enforcing a two dollar cover charge. (Instead, have a three drink minimum!)
5. Any member of Menudo. (New, old, they're all icky.)
4. IRS agents and a state trooper. (Haven't you guys got enough???)
3. Political figures I voted for. (You've disappointed me enough, go away.)
2. Religious people that normally mug you at the airport. (I'm dead, no saving me now.)
and the number one thing you'd never want to see at your own funeral:
1. Three words... Schlitz Malt Liquor! (Don't forget to spill some for me homies!)
I'm outtie! Peace!
