Robin Williams said it perfectly, "Reality, what a concept."
The notion that the way some people perceive their own existence and define it as “reality” can be a difficult thing to comprehend. That's the way it is, however. Each of us blends together our experiences, trained responses to stimulus and the effects it has on us and calls it reality. It really goes way beyond simple categorization of sensory input, but that’s how modern science qualifies it.
If three people are standing on a street corner and a bird flies close by each experiences the event differently, but reality had NOTHING to do with their sensory input. They all saw it. They all heard the sound of the air as the bird flapped its wings. They all smelled the exhaust of the diesel truck as it passed. They all felt the hot sun. Their finite senses relayed the event and their brains transferred the flow of information from the incoming impulses into recorded memories and filed them neatly away.
However, one person’s reality did NOT match another’s.
One saw the flight pattern the bird was navigating and predicted, exactly, what direction the bird would bank and how much yaw or roll would pitch the bird’s body into an updraft that carried it just over the two story building across the street. She filed the information away and wanted to be able to pilot the little twin engine airplane her instructor let her borrow to mimic the bird’s motions. She hoped that later that night she’d dream about flapping her own wings and soar above the Earth. She wondered if, maybe, she’d been a bird in another life. That was reality.
Another actually felt the unborn child wrapped in a thin shell that the bird carried within it and smiled at the thought that his lovely wife carried their own unborn child at that very moment. He said a little prayer for the bird and for his wife asking God for healthy babies and an ease to the suffering that both mothers would deal with during delivery. His heart was overwhelmed with concern for his wife and, at that moment, for the beautiful little bird that had flown by. He smiled and thanked God for His mercy and for sharing a precious moment of love with him. That was reality.
The last was startled by the fact that if that stupid bird hadn’t turned at the last moment it would have ended up flattened against a windshield. He cursed the fact that the small animal didn’t have the brains to stay out of the stinking city. He remembered that he was late for his second job and sighed as he promptly pushed the bird out of his mind and told himself that he had more important things to think about. That was reality.
Do you relate to one of those people? What I’ve recently been trying to tell you is that as you grow, and your mind and heart begin to experience more and more of the world and beyond, you’ll learn to relate to ALL of them. You will actually find that you can understand and, to an extent experience, someone else's reality.
Some of you may wonder why this is important. Why should anyone care about living through the trials, tribulations or experiences of anyone else? Hey, life is about actually living, right? From the moment we become aware that we are, in fact, alive we begin the process of passing through time and moving from one experience to another. Some are noteworthy enough to file into conscious memory. Others, though no less important, get filed away deep in our subconscious. To this day, no scientist has ever been able to find a way to explain these different “perceptions” and their reaction on our brains but, down to the last, they all admit that they exist. Each of us seems to be passing through our own existence, like tiny recorders, soaking up as much of life as possible while we're here.
So are these perceptions reality? Nope. That’s not it either.
“Okay, Rev, where are you going with this?”
I’m so glad you asked! A dear friend of mine wrote to me this week and said that he appreciates the fact that I seem to understand him so well. Since then, I’ve been wondering what that means. Obvious is the fact that we share similarities, but does that explain why I would be able to actually understand him? I don’t think so.
Who are we, so that others can understand us? I know what we’re not. We are not our jobs. We are not our likes and dislikes. We are not our taste in clothes. We are not the food that we eat. We are not the children that we produce. We are not the air we breathe.
I do not believe, as many before me have stated, that we are actually just the sum total of our parts. I’m not contradicting myself, believe me. If you take a battery, a crystal disc, a handful of gears and a leather strap and place them together are they, in fact, a watch? No, until those pieces are arranged in an specific way they are only individual pieces with the potential of being a watch. They are each unique, each essential parts of the whole, but they are not the whole by themselves. Neither is the whole complete without those individual parts. I don’t call a battery or crystal or gear or leather strap a watch. Each part is definitely unique and special with the potential of being more than itself.
We are each individuals with the right to stand by ourselves and be recognized as unique and precious. However, we are all, every one of us, born with unlimited potential to be part of something much bigger. That is a part, a piece, of the unified whole that you may be destined for.
One gear was not originally a gear. It may have been simply a piece of unshaped metal with the potential to be shaped into that gear. Before that it was ore buried deep beneath the Earth with the potential to be refined into that metal. Before that it may have been a meteor that had the potential to strike a little blue planet orbiting around a class 3 yellow star. And so on.
You are not the chemical elements that make up your body. You are not the thoughts that race through your head. You are not the dishes you pick out to give as a gift to a friend on their wedding day. You are not how fast you drive in your car. You are not the gravel you tread on.
Is everything that ticks and tells time a watch? Is that reality? Nope, that isn’t it either.
“Look, Rev, you’re starting to piss me off, get to the point.”
Let me ask you something. Who are you? If anyone asks you that question what comes instantly to mind? Your job? Your children? Your house? Your religion? Your name?
Is that who you are? Is that reality? Nope, still not it.
“Rev, you’re not making any sense.”
Oh, sorry about that. I get sidetracked. I’m trying to give answers but I have so many questions that it’s difficult to address them all. Does a question exist without an answer? Sure, but it has the potential for being answered. Do I exist as a writer without having readers? You bet I do, but that potential is there. Is that reality? Nope, still not it.
Getting back to the quandary of my dear friend… He’s a very wonderful soul and has so much potential. He has achieved some of it and, to a certain point, gets a little overwhelmed when he experiences a glimpse of how much more is there. Is that who he is? Nope.
Is the fact that he perceives my intuitions and love for him reality? Nope, but it doesn’t make any of that less important or valid.
Look, I really am trying to make a point here.
“Finally, Rev, I thought you’d never get to it.”
Ah, but is the end of a story more valid than the beginning or middle? Does the story exist before it has been written? You are not the legacy of your life. You are not your birth or death. You are not the friends you make. You are not the things you create.
Each of us has an innate sense of the things around us that we perceive but those things are more, much more, than the senses that we use to experience them and define them so that we can catalogue them in our limited brains.
The things that affect you do not make you who you are. The things you affect do not define you, either.
I want each of you, reading this, to consider that there is more than you will ever be able to understand at work in our universe. I want so much to help you to understand that it’s not just about the portions you experience and perceive that make it all so wonderful. The people that I’ve learned from have all taught me that happiness, serenity and that giddy sense of joy I was searching for wasn’t meant to be contained only in the resolution I was heading for but was also contained in the search itself and even in the dream of beginning the journey and beyond.
Recently my heart and mind opened up to the appreciation of the infinite mystery. An endless number of questions and limitless potentialities and it has forever changed me. I realized that all I had to do was admit that I would never be satisfied if all I ever wanted was just the individual pieces. They are limited and finite and tangible but they are not all there is.
I really want a haircut.
“That’s it, Rev, I’m convinced. You’ve finally lost it.”
Yeah, isn’t it wonderful? I like wanting a haircut. I like enjoying the fact that my body processes protein compounds into cells that grow out of my head. I like the environmental conditions that create striations in the hair fibers that make these annoying little curls around my ears and make me realize I need to get a haircut. I like wondering if the person with the razor sharp scissors could snap at any second and give Sweeney Todd a run for his money (I have a sick sense of humor, sometimes, I know). I like knowing that the chair I sit in, while the potentially demon barber hacks away at my protein laden striation fibers, is a marvel created by an engineer who took pride in making it. There’s so much more!!! The refinery that produced the gasoline I’m going to burn driving there. The pedestrians I’m looking forward to smiling at and waving to during my trip there. The seemingly endless array of hair care products on glass shelves next to the cash register attended by a bored high school student wondering about the guy she met at a party last night.
Add it all up and enjoy the fact that no matter how much you discover there’s still more. Isn’t it great?
“Rev, you’ve forgotten about your friend, again.”
Nope, not at all.
Dear friend, I love you not because of what you do. I love you not because of how you feel. I love you not because of what you give to me. The truth is that explaining exactly why I love you would be like asking me to explain reality. Love is one of the greater mysteries. No one denies that it exists but we all agree that it does.
So give yourself a few minutes, each day, to expand your heart and mind and appreciate the infinite, the Divine. Know that within you are infinite potentialities, unlimited possibilities, unknowable mystery, countless questions and the effects of a Divine universe that is far beyond your comprehension. Then, consider what I’ve been telling you. The universe thought you were important and essential enough to be here.
It needs you. It wants you. It loves you. Why?
Ah, that’s reality.
“The only two things that inspire me to awe are the infinite universe without and the moral universe within.” ~ Albert Einstein
Sorry, no top ten, this week. Next week for sure.
I wish you all abundant joy!
Sunday, October 16, 2005
Sunday, September 18, 2005
The final, abridged blog of Mediocre Man!
The largest ancient cultures built enormous empires around the concepts of honor and maintaining the respect of ones' community. The Japanese took that to the extreme and imposed the harshest penalties on themselves when faced with the prospect of living with dishonor. On days like today, I'm glad that I wasn't born in Japan... especially ancient Japan. Although, I may have been. The celestial jury is still out on that one.
I started writing a long blog that was more of an exercise in feeling sorry for myself than the blunt confession that I'd intended it to be. In the interest of "saving face," and also to prevent me from feeling like hari-kari is my only option, it's been scrapped for a kinder, gentler, sillier blog. We can all breathe a little easier. Go ahead. BREATHE, DAMMIT!
It ticks Jackie off when I do this, but Dictionary.com defines Depression as...
de·pres·sion ( P ) Pronunciation Key (d-prshn) n.
I started writing a long blog that was more of an exercise in feeling sorry for myself than the blunt confession that I'd intended it to be. In the interest of "saving face," and also to prevent me from feeling like hari-kari is my only option, it's been scrapped for a kinder, gentler, sillier blog. We can all breathe a little easier. Go ahead. BREATHE, DAMMIT!
It ticks Jackie off when I do this, but Dictionary.com defines Depression as...
de·pres·sion ( P ) Pronunciation Key (d-prshn) n.
- The act of depressing.
- The condition of being depressed.
- An area that is sunk below its surroundings; a hollow.
- The condition of feeling sad or despondent.
- Psychology. A psychiatric disorder characterized by an inability to concentrate, insomnia, loss of appetite, anhedonia, feelings of extreme sadness, guilt, helplessness and hopelessness, and thoughts of death. Also called clinical depression.
- A reduction in activity or force.
- A reduction in physiological vigor or activity: a depression in respiration.
- A lowering in amount, degree, or position.
- Economics. A period of drastic decline in a national or international economy, characterized by decreasing business activity, falling prices, and unemployment.
- Meteorology. A region of low barometric pressure.
- The angular distance below the horizontal plane through the point of observation.
- Astronomy. The angular distance of a celestial body below the horizon.
Now, which one of those definitions sounds like fun? Hmm? Yeah, this is the first time I've ever even SEEN the word anhedonia, too. Actually, that one sounds like a cleaning product, more than "the absence of pleasure or the ability to experience it." Isn't that usually called death?
Every single one of us, from time to time, gets a little tired and apathetic. Life has a way of wearing you down to the point that even getting out of bed at night to go to the bathroom is cripplingly overwhelming. No, I'm not suggesting that peeing at three o'clock in the morning has brought me to tears. Uh, wait... nope, haven't done that one, yet. It's just that without a sense of humor people find it difficult to accomplish even the most menial of tasks. Getting out of bed to evacuate your bladder is only one example. This week the top ten is a list of things that could overwhelm even the most stalwart soul.
Top Ten Things That Overwhelm Mere Mortals:
10) Applying for a new Social Security card. FDR created a benevolent organization that moderbureaucracycy has placed in the Emerald City at the end of the Yellow Brick Road. There's no place like home, there's no place like...
9) Balancing a budget. I took a bookkeeping class in High School and was told that balancing any budget was simply the steadfast entry of every credit and debit in order to track spending and predict future trends. Horse hockey! Even the federal government freely admits that it's all smoke and mirrors combined with clever marketing. Let me clue you in on a little secret. In Monopoly, the banker always wins.
8) One word: Politics. In ancient Rome the governing officials entertained themselves, and their subjects, by throwing slaves and selected enemies into large arenas to fight to the death. Today, the slaves and enemies are throwing the officials into the gladiator-esque arena of the modern media. Sometimes I think the Romans were far more civilized.
7) Socks in the dryer. Physics can harness the power of the atom but it can't explain why a pair of socks enters a machine with only one door and only one makes it back out again. How many of us still sit and stare at the pile of unmatched orphans and wonders, "Where do they go?" It's possible that some brilliant scientist actually found the answer to that question but it's far too terrifying to ever share with the public. Or that's how they got all those features crammed into your new cell phone...
6) The phone book. Think hard on this one, folks. How many times have you been faced with a simple task like where to get dinner when you don't want to cook and then looked at that giant phone book under the phone? Like most of us, that desire to find the perfect local bistro is suddenly replaced with the rationalization, "McDonald's really isn't all that bad."
5) Owner's manuals. I have yet to meet someone who writes these things for a living. I'm beginning to think that maybe they don't exist. Or, more likely, they don't ever see the light of day. It's far easier to believe that these torturous works of non-fiction are simply the by-product of a desperate inventor's deal with the devil. That's right. Owner's manuals are actually the gateway to hell. Now you know why they must be avoided at all costs.
4) The freeway. I once worked with a man whom I considered to be one of the toughest people I'd ever met. He wasn't bitter, just hardened. The kind of man who'd been in the military during wartime, lived a very hard life and had done and seen things that would make most people curl into a fetal position and suck their thumbs. You know, tough. This same man, when faced with the prospect of taking the freeway suddenly turned into a giant wishy-washy, coward that made Woody Allen look butch. Of course, if I'd ever personally pointed that out to him I'm sure that he would have crushed me like a bug. Isn't the internet wonderful???
3) The pediatrician's office. I have seen the opposite of number four happen to small children when faced with the possibility that they have to go to the doctor. Children, who normally will cry like frightened animals when they are kept at the dinner table and told to eat their spinach, suddenly are willing to silently limp around on half severed limbs in order to avoid getting a shot or face the scary, East German women's wrestling champion with the tongue depressor.
2) Family gatherings. We all know how it feels. Someone in your family has a birthday, anniversary or other celebratory event and it sounds like something worth planning a large gala for until the responsibility for said affair becomes yoursBelugaga caviar at the Ritz turns into pigs in a blanket at the community rec center. Remember this the next time you're listening to cousin Nunzio tell you about his bunion surgery while chewing on canned dough wrapped weenie goodness.
and the number one thing that overwhelms mere mortals:
1) The DMV. I don't even think I need to explain this one. I'm still clueless as to how the people who work there show up every day. The mere contemplation of spending an afternoon being ushered through nothing more than an indoor cattle run makes me wonder why every facility doesn't have a smoky lounge right next to a non-denominational chapel.
Hope you have a great week, all. I have two quotes this week, from the same brilliant man, for all of you who have read my entries in the past and wondered why I put myself through this every week.
"Anyone who proposes to do good must not expect people to roll stones out of his way, but must accept his lot calmly, even if they roll a few stones upon it."
"Man can hardly even recognize the devils of his own creation."
~ Albert Schweitzer
Sunday, September 11, 2005
Atlas blogged...
A very close friend of mine called me this week because I told her how overwhelmingly depressed I've been. I'm too ashamed to share the details of how bad here, but it was bad. She consoled and encouraged me and we laughed and cried. Then the subject of the world today came up and she said, "Sure, Katrina, the war in Iraq, starving children in every corner of the world. That's your fault, isn't it?" I laughed with her and then said, "Atlas, I'm not." Since that conversation I've begun to realize that I've been trying to actually be the mythical son of Clymene and Iapetus, in my own way. My world became a heavy, oppressive thing and I was setting it squarely on my shoulders and mourning my fate. I used be able to physically lift more than I can now but mere exercise won't help me with this burden.
It's a glass half full, half empty perception. It's truly up to each of us to get the most from what we've been given. I can either look outside at the trees just outside my apartment and see them as selfishly growing leaves to soak up as much sun as possible or as beautiful boughs of green that provide me shelter from the hot sun. Even water can be a fearful and overwhelming element in which to drown or a sweet, cool resource that I can use to fill my glass, and my body, with what I need.
Life brings with it the fears all of us experience from moment to moment, from the cradle to the grave. However, change one tiny perception and it's possible to see life as something to provide us with the very reasons to make the journey, put one foot in front of the other and celebrate the joy of squeezing every last drop from every day simply because it's worth the risk, worth the effort.
Atlas himself saw his sentence of supporting the heavens as a prison that he would forever wish to escape from. Instead, he could have realized that what he was actually doing was holding onto the biggest box of blessings that anyone had ever been given. By placing him in that position Zeus had actually shown Atlas that he was up to the task of keeping the Earth safely on his shoulders. Zeus, instead of killing Atlas for his crimes, mercifully gave him the chance to learn from his mistake and become better.
I'm not suggesting delusion, by any means. Like the movie "Life Is Beautiful" that shows how people can sometimes be put in the worst possible situations imaginable and simply pretend that the world is perfect. On the contrary, every wound is a chance to experience healing. Every obstacle is an opportunity to know ourselves a little better and see just how much good we're capable of. Is it, as Voltaire said, "the best of all possible worlds?" No, hell no. Do I honestly believe that it can be? Yes, I do. All it takes is a miniscule amount of faith, hope and the will to make a difference. Then even the biggest disaster of all time becomes yet another chance to grow, learn, and raise the vibrations of the entire world.
Yes, Katrina was a terrible storm and the citizens of New Orleans have suffered in the devastating aftermath. But, it makes my heart so glad to see the ways that so many people have responded. I read a terrific story about nurses who petitioned the home health organization they worked for and, in large groups, brought donated medical supplies to the gulf coast region. Another WONDERFUL story about three little girls from DC, ages 14, 11 and 8, who started Project Backpack to send things like coloring books, games and reading materials to children from New Orleans who had lost everything. Even local talk-radio stations, that normally focus on bashing government officials and highlighting the negative aspects of society, have turned to fund raising and made me realize that the milk of human kindness still flows. Katrina may be an open wound that has brought into focus just how flawed the country we live in really is but it's also been the impetus to show that what the Dalai Lama said when he accepted the Nobel Peace Prize in 1989 is still true today.
"No matter what part of the world we come from, we are all basically the same human beings. We all seek happiness and try to avoid suffering. We have the same basic human needs and concerns. All of us human beings want freedom and the right to determine our own destiny as individuals and as peoples. That is human nature."
Your brothers and sisters are suffering, just like you, and they want to be happy. Look closely at what the Dalai Lama said. "We all SEEK happiness and TRY to avoid suffering." By that simple statement His Holiness shares that finding happiness and avoiding suffering are acts of effort following simple motions of will. Happiness doesn't arrive one day and decide to move in with you. Suffering is all around you and you have to work at making sure that it doesn't run into you. Keep moving, put one foot in front of the other, take the risk and keep your eyes open. More importantly, keep your heart open. Before I end this blog with my signature top ten I'm going to share the secret to happiness. That's right, there's a secret and it's beautifully simple and eloquently stated, again, by His Holiness, the Dalai Lama.
"If you want to make others happy, practice compassion. If you want to be happy... practice compassion."
Each of us has to learn compassion for one another while we try to find something that I've been lacking lately but am beginning to understand... compassion for ourselves.
Okay, this week the extremely irreverent top ten is going to be a tribute to government in action. All of us know that when presented with a crisis or need our government responds by creating another charity committee or governing board to oversee the resolution of that problem. Here are some lesser known organizations that you may not have heard of. The truth is, I feel like I need a shower just thinking about them.
The Top Ten Obscure Government Aid Organizations:
10) The Oliver Twist Foundation: They're always willing to help the down and out when they're in need. Just don't ask for seconds.
9) The Cat Ate My Homework Committee: Things like education are vitally important issues but there's always a really good excuse for avoiding them, too.
8) Laughter Is The Best Medicine Association: It's a testament to how far the medical profession as whole has come when you can find ways to treat the sick by exposing them to other people who really are FAR sicker.
7) I Gave At The Office: This organization exists solely to salve every American's conscience by pointing out that every time you pay your taxes you're donating your hard earned pay to keep your government from going broke. Now, don't you feel better?
6) Revenge Of The Nerds, Incorporated: This started out as a private corporation but is now a global charity dedicated to keeping homely introverts from finding out that they really do run the entire world.
5) World Hate Organization: This helpful band of volunteers is a little known sub-group of the World Health Organization committed to lowering the planet's blood pressure by focusing biases on insignificant and almost harmless annoyances... like mimes.
4) Paparazzi Relief Fund: Like the Farmer's Aid groups that provide needed funds to farmers in order to prevent over-production of foodstuffs this benevolent institution provides the money needed to pay magazines NOT to hire photographers who think they're Mario Andretti with a camera. We can all feel safer, trust me.
3) Watch Your Step Association: There are animals everywhere who consider the world their private lavatory. Isn't it time the government starting picking some of the stuff up that they've been helping to dish out?
2) The Little Rascals: This is an attempt to deal with gang violence by showing them it's better to form zany cliques filled with other young scamps and channel all that energy into excluding from their groups the real source of their problems... girls.
and the number one obscure government aid organization:
1) Queer Eye For The Poor Guy: Due to the recent success of television decorating shows state and local governments are now convinced that there's no social or financial difficulty that can't be overcome with flamboyant flair and a cat fight broadcast on cable.
I hope that all of you discover that you're a big part of my true happiness. Have a great week.
Here's my quote for the week:
"Sometimes your joy is the source of your smile, but sometimes your smile can be the source of your joy."
~ Thich Nhat Hanh, Vietnamese Buddhist monk nominated for the Nobel Peace Prize in 1967
It's a glass half full, half empty perception. It's truly up to each of us to get the most from what we've been given. I can either look outside at the trees just outside my apartment and see them as selfishly growing leaves to soak up as much sun as possible or as beautiful boughs of green that provide me shelter from the hot sun. Even water can be a fearful and overwhelming element in which to drown or a sweet, cool resource that I can use to fill my glass, and my body, with what I need.
Life brings with it the fears all of us experience from moment to moment, from the cradle to the grave. However, change one tiny perception and it's possible to see life as something to provide us with the very reasons to make the journey, put one foot in front of the other and celebrate the joy of squeezing every last drop from every day simply because it's worth the risk, worth the effort.
Atlas himself saw his sentence of supporting the heavens as a prison that he would forever wish to escape from. Instead, he could have realized that what he was actually doing was holding onto the biggest box of blessings that anyone had ever been given. By placing him in that position Zeus had actually shown Atlas that he was up to the task of keeping the Earth safely on his shoulders. Zeus, instead of killing Atlas for his crimes, mercifully gave him the chance to learn from his mistake and become better.
I'm not suggesting delusion, by any means. Like the movie "Life Is Beautiful" that shows how people can sometimes be put in the worst possible situations imaginable and simply pretend that the world is perfect. On the contrary, every wound is a chance to experience healing. Every obstacle is an opportunity to know ourselves a little better and see just how much good we're capable of. Is it, as Voltaire said, "the best of all possible worlds?" No, hell no. Do I honestly believe that it can be? Yes, I do. All it takes is a miniscule amount of faith, hope and the will to make a difference. Then even the biggest disaster of all time becomes yet another chance to grow, learn, and raise the vibrations of the entire world.
Yes, Katrina was a terrible storm and the citizens of New Orleans have suffered in the devastating aftermath. But, it makes my heart so glad to see the ways that so many people have responded. I read a terrific story about nurses who petitioned the home health organization they worked for and, in large groups, brought donated medical supplies to the gulf coast region. Another WONDERFUL story about three little girls from DC, ages 14, 11 and 8, who started Project Backpack to send things like coloring books, games and reading materials to children from New Orleans who had lost everything. Even local talk-radio stations, that normally focus on bashing government officials and highlighting the negative aspects of society, have turned to fund raising and made me realize that the milk of human kindness still flows. Katrina may be an open wound that has brought into focus just how flawed the country we live in really is but it's also been the impetus to show that what the Dalai Lama said when he accepted the Nobel Peace Prize in 1989 is still true today.
"No matter what part of the world we come from, we are all basically the same human beings. We all seek happiness and try to avoid suffering. We have the same basic human needs and concerns. All of us human beings want freedom and the right to determine our own destiny as individuals and as peoples. That is human nature."
Your brothers and sisters are suffering, just like you, and they want to be happy. Look closely at what the Dalai Lama said. "We all SEEK happiness and TRY to avoid suffering." By that simple statement His Holiness shares that finding happiness and avoiding suffering are acts of effort following simple motions of will. Happiness doesn't arrive one day and decide to move in with you. Suffering is all around you and you have to work at making sure that it doesn't run into you. Keep moving, put one foot in front of the other, take the risk and keep your eyes open. More importantly, keep your heart open. Before I end this blog with my signature top ten I'm going to share the secret to happiness. That's right, there's a secret and it's beautifully simple and eloquently stated, again, by His Holiness, the Dalai Lama.
"If you want to make others happy, practice compassion. If you want to be happy... practice compassion."
Each of us has to learn compassion for one another while we try to find something that I've been lacking lately but am beginning to understand... compassion for ourselves.
Okay, this week the extremely irreverent top ten is going to be a tribute to government in action. All of us know that when presented with a crisis or need our government responds by creating another charity committee or governing board to oversee the resolution of that problem. Here are some lesser known organizations that you may not have heard of. The truth is, I feel like I need a shower just thinking about them.
The Top Ten Obscure Government Aid Organizations:
10) The Oliver Twist Foundation: They're always willing to help the down and out when they're in need. Just don't ask for seconds.
9) The Cat Ate My Homework Committee: Things like education are vitally important issues but there's always a really good excuse for avoiding them, too.
8) Laughter Is The Best Medicine Association: It's a testament to how far the medical profession as whole has come when you can find ways to treat the sick by exposing them to other people who really are FAR sicker.
7) I Gave At The Office: This organization exists solely to salve every American's conscience by pointing out that every time you pay your taxes you're donating your hard earned pay to keep your government from going broke. Now, don't you feel better?
6) Revenge Of The Nerds, Incorporated: This started out as a private corporation but is now a global charity dedicated to keeping homely introverts from finding out that they really do run the entire world.
5) World Hate Organization: This helpful band of volunteers is a little known sub-group of the World Health Organization committed to lowering the planet's blood pressure by focusing biases on insignificant and almost harmless annoyances... like mimes.
4) Paparazzi Relief Fund: Like the Farmer's Aid groups that provide needed funds to farmers in order to prevent over-production of foodstuffs this benevolent institution provides the money needed to pay magazines NOT to hire photographers who think they're Mario Andretti with a camera. We can all feel safer, trust me.
3) Watch Your Step Association: There are animals everywhere who consider the world their private lavatory. Isn't it time the government starting picking some of the stuff up that they've been helping to dish out?
2) The Little Rascals: This is an attempt to deal with gang violence by showing them it's better to form zany cliques filled with other young scamps and channel all that energy into excluding from their groups the real source of their problems... girls.
and the number one obscure government aid organization:
1) Queer Eye For The Poor Guy: Due to the recent success of television decorating shows state and local governments are now convinced that there's no social or financial difficulty that can't be overcome with flamboyant flair and a cat fight broadcast on cable.
I hope that all of you discover that you're a big part of my true happiness. Have a great week.
Here's my quote for the week:
"Sometimes your joy is the source of your smile, but sometimes your smile can be the source of your joy."
~ Thich Nhat Hanh, Vietnamese Buddhist monk nominated for the Nobel Peace Prize in 1967
Sunday, August 21, 2005
Fall Of The Iron Blog
Sorry all. This one seemed important and has been very heavy on my heart. It actually took me two Sundays to write. It's not meant to be entertaining. I hope that it's informative and, even more hopefully, a little uplifiting for each of you in a special way.
So many things have happened in this lifetime. Momentous, life-changing events that each of us views differently. What were you doing when you first learned they were tearing down the Berlin wall? How did you find out about the fall of communism? Did you watch on television as they tore down the statue in the square of a city previously known as Leningrad? Did you see the news reports after Reagan was shot? Did you see the live broadcasts of September 11th in 2001? Did you light a candle or pray while Pope John Paul II lay in his deathbed? Who told you that the Challenger shuttle had exploded shortly after take-off? How did it make you feel when they announced that the folks at Jet Propulsion Laboratories (JPL) were abandoning the multi-billion dollar Mars probe that failed shortly after landing on the red planet?
So many occasions in my thirty-seven years. There's more, much more, just on the horizon. Like the social and political changes of the last twenty-five years the next quarter century is going to be a turbulent, spiritual revolution. The time has come for spiritual awakening and I passionately believe that it's beginning to happen, right now.
Look, I know that this is a heady topic for an unusually irreverent blogger, but it's what has been on my mind during the last two weeks. It's actually been weighing very heavily on me. There are several reasons that I believe all of this so strongly.
For many of you reading this who are tied closely to the mainstream judaeo-christian organizations, like the many that I was raised in, it's this overwhelming sensation that the prophecies that were revealed to John on the Isle of Tarsis during his imprisonment there are close to fulfillment. The tribulation days of Armageddon, as displayed in the book of Revelations, are heartbreakingly tragic because the wrath of God reigns down on the entire Earth in an apocolyptic climax. Many fear God only because of the horrifying images they were "force fed" as children just like the many monster laden fairy tales used throughout history to teach children a "rational" fear of retribution if considering doing wrong. My upbringing included all of this, and more, but I'm now realizing that these "truths" have a deeper and far more loving purpose than I was told about. Luckily, I'm no longer the "milk feeding" type that I was cautioned to avoid being. The more substantial spiritual diet that I'm currently surviving on has given me a compassionate and hopeful perspective. I'm not trying to "convert" ANYONE, here. Honestly. I'll quote two verses from the new testament. The first is I Corinthians 12:14 "For the body is not one member, but many." The other is Romans 11:29 "The gifts and calling of God are without repentance." The reason that I lump those two verses together is because I believe that God is far bigger than one religion and has spoken to many divine souls throughout history. I used to be one who felt that if someone differed with my opinions and beliefs that they weren't worth my time or attentions. I now realize that everyone, from the most insignificant to the most important, has something important to say and must be allowed to voice. If I didn't believe that with every fiber of my being... I wouldn't be writing this blog. One last quote for you to digest before I go on, "And you shall know the truth and the truth shall set you free." (John 8:32)
Recently I read a very interesting website that talked about what the Hopi Indians call the Fifth Age of Man. The Hopi believed that the Fourth Age (our current Age) ends when one of their spiritual dancers, called Kachinas, stops dancing in the center of the main plaza and removes his mask in front of the uninitiated children. This blue Kachina, called Saquasohuh, is represented by the emergence or discovery of a blue star in the heavens. They strongly believe, like many others, that the heavens and the Earth are irrevocably linked and that one mirrors the other. The Hopi sing songs during their Wuwuchim ceremony each year. According to their history a specific song prophecying the Saquasohuh and speaking of the disunity, corruption and hatred threatening the Hopi way of life spreading out into the world was sung in 1914, just before WWI, again in 1940, before the US entered WWII and again in 1961 before the beginning of the war in VietNam. The Hopi live in the American southwest and are a part of our history, our heritage.
Not by coincidence, the Hopi prophecy speaks very clearly the predictions made in many native American traditions. The ancient Shashone and on through Lakota Sioux, Cherokee, Navajo and even the isolated Inuit. The most amazing correlation is the similarities, both in timing and composition, with very ancient prophecies about the Age of Aquarius. In Egyptian philosophy the water god Hapi, who was responsible for flooding the Nile every year, was referred to as walking upon the Earth. In both Greek and Roman mythology the water gods were foretold in the stars as becoming dominant.
Okay, so people have predicted that something was going to happen. What does that mean to you and me? Part of the reason that I've been reading about these prophecies and researching this information is to find out more about something that has been happening to me on a very personal level. It's very like something that happens to me every weekday morning. My alarm clock pulls me from the unconscious to the semi-conscious but the thing that gives me the ability to face the day is when I jump in the shower and douse myself in water. Water, the purifying element, that we all depend on more than we realize. It's been such a strong message of both myth and prophecy because of the importance in our lives. Jesus changed water into wine and walked on water. Every psuedo-christian tradition baptizes a person in water to symbolize their spirtual rebirth. In The Diamond Sutras Buddha compares a person's "great awakening" to drinking a glass of pure water. Even in the Vedas the god Brahma, the Creator aspect of God, emerged from the primeval waters and brought all of the creation into existence from those waters.
In my own humble analogy, the alarm signaling that I have to get in the shower and wake up, I'm trying to say that the alarm has been sounded. In some cases, for thousands of years. The water is now upon us. The Age of Aquarius is here. People are beginning to wake up.
I challenge any of you to search the web for yourselves and find references to people having dreams about water, prophecies about torrential rains and floods, the Earth's own baptism because of global warming and the melting of the polar ice and so many other references that it's overwhelming. Personally I believe that all of it is a signal that the drought is over.
How are we waking up? Many people are breaking away from traditional teachings and seeking truth on their own. In today's world of instant access to information it's become commonplace to be able to cross reference the religious books from across time and around the globe. All I have to do is go to my favorite search engine and put in a few words to get a hundred different websites with a hundred different opinions about a hundred different religious truths. Actually, for someone like me who is a bottomless pit of curiousity it's bliss. The main reason that I mention it is that, more and more, I'm starting to see patterns in the chaos. Within the noise, the multitude of voices all speaking at once, a single message seems to be rising above all the rest.
Wake up... it's time to wake up.
Jackie has a very dear friend that she talks with from time to time. We met him because she was trying to find a source for a wonderful, and rare, chrystalline mineral called Phenakite (or Phenacite) for another close friend who has his own kinesiology practice. What she ended up finding was more than just a man who provides all kinds of gemstones and other precious minerals. She found a wonderful person who seems to be just a little bit more evolved than most. He's closely tied to the Lakota Sioux nation and their traditions. However, he just seems to know so many things about the world that can't be explained rationally but can easily be seen as true. Most of the time, that doesn't matter. The things he talks about, like love, compassion and raising the awareness of the human heart, are so basic that it makes us realize that it's not quite so much about changing the entire world as it is about accepting the fact that each of us is a part of that change. He constantly challenges Jackie, and indirectly me, that we're running out of time. His message of the need to raise the consciousness of the world before it's too late mirrors many of the things that we've discovered on our own and through others that we talk to across the internet. The world is on the verge of a colossal, spiritual change.
Sure, people have said this througout the centuries and for most it takes a measure of faith to even see the commonality in many of these things. What would make me believe that my little blog would make any difference? It doesn't. Why would I actually think that I could change things by writing all of this? I don't. So why? I'll tell you... I don't know. In my heart, all I can do is try. I wake up every morning with only one thing on my mind... surviving through the day that I'm presented with because I know there may never be another. I always loved what Theodore Seuss Geisel, known to the world as Dr. Seuss, said. "Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind."
Every day I try to raise my own consciousness just a little bit. I try to love those closest to me a little better. I try to love those around me that I find it hard to love. I meditate, pray and seek God and hope to learn more about every one of the divine faces that are all part of the same creator/god/goddess/universal spirit... mother, father, sister, brother, friend, enemy... every single one of them. I seek to remove my own mental, emotional and spiritual blocks and stretch myself thin so I can listen to the noise of the universe and find the music that will fill my soul and give me the ability to share that music with others.
I can't tell you what that is for each of you. Meditation, prayer, intellectual pursuits, faith, works, the fulfillment of promises, duties or other spiritual contracts you've made with the infinite you've experienced. I follow my own path and, in my limited way, I'm trying to encourage you all to do the same. My message may boil down to this, though. As our good friend says, "We're running out of time." I believe that to be true. Live each day as though tomorrow may never come and you may find that today is enough. Life has never asked more from any of us.
I wanted to end this blog with a big smile and considered making some kind of irreverent top ten. Somehow, it just doesn't seem right. Instead I'm going to provide a list of quotes to, sort of, round out this whole, long diatribe. They're each like little lotus blossoms, the most beautiful of flowers that grows from the muck and slime. Some are from the very young, some the very old but all are yet more examples that it's fitting to great each person you meet with the traditional hindu mantra/mandhu "namaste" which, literally translated, means "I recognize the divine in you." I challenge all of you to do just that, every single day and from now on. Recognize the Divine, no matter where in your life you look you'll find it.
One of my favorites from a little girl who saw hope all around her in the darkest time in human history:
"How wonderful it is that no one need wait a single moment before starting to improve the world."
~ Anne Frank
This one is a quote from a victim of the Columbine tragedy:
"Tomorrow is not a promise, but a chance."
~ Rachel Joy Scott
Here's a quote from a giant who lived in the body of a small, truly divine soul:
"You must be the change you wish to see in the world."
~ Mahatma Gandhi
The most well-known of the Christian apologetics whose great wisdom and talent was in making the complex startingly simple and personal:
"Human beings, all over the earth, have this curious idea that they ought to behave in a certain way, and can't really get rid of it."
~ C. S. Lewis, A Case For Christianity
And finally a quote from the man I feel had the greatest mind in history coupled with the biggest heart:
"My religion consists of a humble admiration of the illimitable superior spirit who reveals himself in the slight details we are able to perceive with our frail and feeble mind."
~ Albert Einstein
Find the divine, people, because it's all around you... and inside of you.
So many things have happened in this lifetime. Momentous, life-changing events that each of us views differently. What were you doing when you first learned they were tearing down the Berlin wall? How did you find out about the fall of communism? Did you watch on television as they tore down the statue in the square of a city previously known as Leningrad? Did you see the news reports after Reagan was shot? Did you see the live broadcasts of September 11th in 2001? Did you light a candle or pray while Pope John Paul II lay in his deathbed? Who told you that the Challenger shuttle had exploded shortly after take-off? How did it make you feel when they announced that the folks at Jet Propulsion Laboratories (JPL) were abandoning the multi-billion dollar Mars probe that failed shortly after landing on the red planet?
So many occasions in my thirty-seven years. There's more, much more, just on the horizon. Like the social and political changes of the last twenty-five years the next quarter century is going to be a turbulent, spiritual revolution. The time has come for spiritual awakening and I passionately believe that it's beginning to happen, right now.
Look, I know that this is a heady topic for an unusually irreverent blogger, but it's what has been on my mind during the last two weeks. It's actually been weighing very heavily on me. There are several reasons that I believe all of this so strongly.
For many of you reading this who are tied closely to the mainstream judaeo-christian organizations, like the many that I was raised in, it's this overwhelming sensation that the prophecies that were revealed to John on the Isle of Tarsis during his imprisonment there are close to fulfillment. The tribulation days of Armageddon, as displayed in the book of Revelations, are heartbreakingly tragic because the wrath of God reigns down on the entire Earth in an apocolyptic climax. Many fear God only because of the horrifying images they were "force fed" as children just like the many monster laden fairy tales used throughout history to teach children a "rational" fear of retribution if considering doing wrong. My upbringing included all of this, and more, but I'm now realizing that these "truths" have a deeper and far more loving purpose than I was told about. Luckily, I'm no longer the "milk feeding" type that I was cautioned to avoid being. The more substantial spiritual diet that I'm currently surviving on has given me a compassionate and hopeful perspective. I'm not trying to "convert" ANYONE, here. Honestly. I'll quote two verses from the new testament. The first is I Corinthians 12:14 "For the body is not one member, but many." The other is Romans 11:29 "The gifts and calling of God are without repentance." The reason that I lump those two verses together is because I believe that God is far bigger than one religion and has spoken to many divine souls throughout history. I used to be one who felt that if someone differed with my opinions and beliefs that they weren't worth my time or attentions. I now realize that everyone, from the most insignificant to the most important, has something important to say and must be allowed to voice. If I didn't believe that with every fiber of my being... I wouldn't be writing this blog. One last quote for you to digest before I go on, "And you shall know the truth and the truth shall set you free." (John 8:32)
Recently I read a very interesting website that talked about what the Hopi Indians call the Fifth Age of Man. The Hopi believed that the Fourth Age (our current Age) ends when one of their spiritual dancers, called Kachinas, stops dancing in the center of the main plaza and removes his mask in front of the uninitiated children. This blue Kachina, called Saquasohuh, is represented by the emergence or discovery of a blue star in the heavens. They strongly believe, like many others, that the heavens and the Earth are irrevocably linked and that one mirrors the other. The Hopi sing songs during their Wuwuchim ceremony each year. According to their history a specific song prophecying the Saquasohuh and speaking of the disunity, corruption and hatred threatening the Hopi way of life spreading out into the world was sung in 1914, just before WWI, again in 1940, before the US entered WWII and again in 1961 before the beginning of the war in VietNam. The Hopi live in the American southwest and are a part of our history, our heritage.
Not by coincidence, the Hopi prophecy speaks very clearly the predictions made in many native American traditions. The ancient Shashone and on through Lakota Sioux, Cherokee, Navajo and even the isolated Inuit. The most amazing correlation is the similarities, both in timing and composition, with very ancient prophecies about the Age of Aquarius. In Egyptian philosophy the water god Hapi, who was responsible for flooding the Nile every year, was referred to as walking upon the Earth. In both Greek and Roman mythology the water gods were foretold in the stars as becoming dominant.
Okay, so people have predicted that something was going to happen. What does that mean to you and me? Part of the reason that I've been reading about these prophecies and researching this information is to find out more about something that has been happening to me on a very personal level. It's very like something that happens to me every weekday morning. My alarm clock pulls me from the unconscious to the semi-conscious but the thing that gives me the ability to face the day is when I jump in the shower and douse myself in water. Water, the purifying element, that we all depend on more than we realize. It's been such a strong message of both myth and prophecy because of the importance in our lives. Jesus changed water into wine and walked on water. Every psuedo-christian tradition baptizes a person in water to symbolize their spirtual rebirth. In The Diamond Sutras Buddha compares a person's "great awakening" to drinking a glass of pure water. Even in the Vedas the god Brahma, the Creator aspect of God, emerged from the primeval waters and brought all of the creation into existence from those waters.
In my own humble analogy, the alarm signaling that I have to get in the shower and wake up, I'm trying to say that the alarm has been sounded. In some cases, for thousands of years. The water is now upon us. The Age of Aquarius is here. People are beginning to wake up.
I challenge any of you to search the web for yourselves and find references to people having dreams about water, prophecies about torrential rains and floods, the Earth's own baptism because of global warming and the melting of the polar ice and so many other references that it's overwhelming. Personally I believe that all of it is a signal that the drought is over.
How are we waking up? Many people are breaking away from traditional teachings and seeking truth on their own. In today's world of instant access to information it's become commonplace to be able to cross reference the religious books from across time and around the globe. All I have to do is go to my favorite search engine and put in a few words to get a hundred different websites with a hundred different opinions about a hundred different religious truths. Actually, for someone like me who is a bottomless pit of curiousity it's bliss. The main reason that I mention it is that, more and more, I'm starting to see patterns in the chaos. Within the noise, the multitude of voices all speaking at once, a single message seems to be rising above all the rest.
Wake up... it's time to wake up.
Jackie has a very dear friend that she talks with from time to time. We met him because she was trying to find a source for a wonderful, and rare, chrystalline mineral called Phenakite (or Phenacite) for another close friend who has his own kinesiology practice. What she ended up finding was more than just a man who provides all kinds of gemstones and other precious minerals. She found a wonderful person who seems to be just a little bit more evolved than most. He's closely tied to the Lakota Sioux nation and their traditions. However, he just seems to know so many things about the world that can't be explained rationally but can easily be seen as true. Most of the time, that doesn't matter. The things he talks about, like love, compassion and raising the awareness of the human heart, are so basic that it makes us realize that it's not quite so much about changing the entire world as it is about accepting the fact that each of us is a part of that change. He constantly challenges Jackie, and indirectly me, that we're running out of time. His message of the need to raise the consciousness of the world before it's too late mirrors many of the things that we've discovered on our own and through others that we talk to across the internet. The world is on the verge of a colossal, spiritual change.
Sure, people have said this througout the centuries and for most it takes a measure of faith to even see the commonality in many of these things. What would make me believe that my little blog would make any difference? It doesn't. Why would I actually think that I could change things by writing all of this? I don't. So why? I'll tell you... I don't know. In my heart, all I can do is try. I wake up every morning with only one thing on my mind... surviving through the day that I'm presented with because I know there may never be another. I always loved what Theodore Seuss Geisel, known to the world as Dr. Seuss, said. "Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind."
Every day I try to raise my own consciousness just a little bit. I try to love those closest to me a little better. I try to love those around me that I find it hard to love. I meditate, pray and seek God and hope to learn more about every one of the divine faces that are all part of the same creator/god/goddess/universal spirit... mother, father, sister, brother, friend, enemy... every single one of them. I seek to remove my own mental, emotional and spiritual blocks and stretch myself thin so I can listen to the noise of the universe and find the music that will fill my soul and give me the ability to share that music with others.
I can't tell you what that is for each of you. Meditation, prayer, intellectual pursuits, faith, works, the fulfillment of promises, duties or other spiritual contracts you've made with the infinite you've experienced. I follow my own path and, in my limited way, I'm trying to encourage you all to do the same. My message may boil down to this, though. As our good friend says, "We're running out of time." I believe that to be true. Live each day as though tomorrow may never come and you may find that today is enough. Life has never asked more from any of us.
I wanted to end this blog with a big smile and considered making some kind of irreverent top ten. Somehow, it just doesn't seem right. Instead I'm going to provide a list of quotes to, sort of, round out this whole, long diatribe. They're each like little lotus blossoms, the most beautiful of flowers that grows from the muck and slime. Some are from the very young, some the very old but all are yet more examples that it's fitting to great each person you meet with the traditional hindu mantra/mandhu "namaste" which, literally translated, means "I recognize the divine in you." I challenge all of you to do just that, every single day and from now on. Recognize the Divine, no matter where in your life you look you'll find it.
One of my favorites from a little girl who saw hope all around her in the darkest time in human history:
"How wonderful it is that no one need wait a single moment before starting to improve the world."
~ Anne Frank
This one is a quote from a victim of the Columbine tragedy:
"Tomorrow is not a promise, but a chance."
~ Rachel Joy Scott
Here's a quote from a giant who lived in the body of a small, truly divine soul:
"You must be the change you wish to see in the world."
~ Mahatma Gandhi
The most well-known of the Christian apologetics whose great wisdom and talent was in making the complex startingly simple and personal:
"Human beings, all over the earth, have this curious idea that they ought to behave in a certain way, and can't really get rid of it."
~ C. S. Lewis, A Case For Christianity
And finally a quote from the man I feel had the greatest mind in history coupled with the biggest heart:
"My religion consists of a humble admiration of the illimitable superior spirit who reveals himself in the slight details we are able to perceive with our frail and feeble mind."
~ Albert Einstein
Find the divine, people, because it's all around you... and inside of you.
Tuesday, August 16, 2005
Quick Teahouse Of The August Blog
This one was removed in the interests of good taste. I'm sorry, gang. I need to write more when I have a clear head.
Love to all,
The Right Rev
Love to all,
The Right Rev
Sunday, August 07, 2005
Revenge of Bride of Blog...
Let's see, it's August and my last blog was in February. Six months should be enough time to let the world recover.
I'M BAAAAAACK!!!
For now I'll only be blogging once a week. Sundays, to be exact. That's my day on the computer. We've gone from a three computer household to one. Yep, we're pretty bohemian around here, these days.
So, you're probably wondering what I've been doing for the last six months. I can sum it all up in one small word... Ha! No, that's not what I've been doing. That's what I say to being able to actually explain it. Of course, I'm also assuming that the insane people who read this blog are wondering what I've been doing and not breathing a collective sigh of relief that I'm sparing the world my peregrine ramblings.
I'll try to compress some of the more salient changes into a brief list.
1) The book's on terminal hold until further notice. Not enough time since I took a nine to five. That may change and very soon... more as things develop.
2) I've discovered that my faith has changed considerably since I started meditating. I've been told that questioning your faith tends to happen when you suddenly start remembering things from your past lives and discovering that you have some remarkable spiritual gifts. I'm just saying...
3) The Topaz, though not perfectly healthy, still lives. We also have a second car, now, thank you to my future in-laws who have single-handedly proven to me that parents can actually be kind, loving, supportive and even friends.
4) My health is excellent. My diet varies but I struggle even more than before because I no longer eat any kind of red meat. Only seafood and, VERY rarely, some chicken. No more eggs, either. Believe it or not, I've done things with tofu that have even surprised me.
5) Jackie and I are doing well and she and the girls are still the center of my universe. The nineteen year old moved back in with her grandmother just after she broke up with her boyfriend. The fourteen year old is still brilliant and full of life and the nine year old is still so completely amazing because she notices things that people five times her age miss completely. Jackie and I should be getting married very, very soon. Again, more as things develop...
Okay, so I can't think of anything really poignant to talk about, even though the news has been fraught with interesting topics. Let's just reunite with a top ten about my life in an apartment full of women.
The Top Ten Things I've Actually Said In The Last Six Months:
10) "Okay, loaf of white bread, cheddar cheese, vegetarian refried beans and long-super maxis with wings."
9) "Where does one find strawberry glitter gloss?"
8) "Why does my hair brush smell like the cat box?"
7) "No, I am not seeking revenge for what you did to me three lifetimes ago, I swear."
6) "For the love of God, and all that's holy, don't ask me about your outfit. I'm male, remember?!?!"
5) "So far, when I try to meditate, I've been attacked by birds, bats, roaches, cats and kids but the worst obstacle is the neighbors screaming religious epithets while having sex."
4) "Does anyone know why my underwear is in the kitchen cupboard?"
3) "You can date any boy you want, right after I scare the crap out of him."
2) "You mean all three of you just started your cycle at the same time and the world hasn't exploded? It's like a menstrual miracle."
and the number one thing I've actually said in the last six months:
1) "Will you please not dry your bra by hanging it out the window of the car!"
See you all next week!
Quote for the week:
“No one should abandon duties because he sees defects in them. Every action, every activity, is surrounded by defects as a fire is surrounded by smoke.” ~ Lord Krishna from The Bhagavad Gita
I'M BAAAAAACK!!!
For now I'll only be blogging once a week. Sundays, to be exact. That's my day on the computer. We've gone from a three computer household to one. Yep, we're pretty bohemian around here, these days.
So, you're probably wondering what I've been doing for the last six months. I can sum it all up in one small word... Ha! No, that's not what I've been doing. That's what I say to being able to actually explain it. Of course, I'm also assuming that the insane people who read this blog are wondering what I've been doing and not breathing a collective sigh of relief that I'm sparing the world my peregrine ramblings.
I'll try to compress some of the more salient changes into a brief list.
1) The book's on terminal hold until further notice. Not enough time since I took a nine to five. That may change and very soon... more as things develop.
2) I've discovered that my faith has changed considerably since I started meditating. I've been told that questioning your faith tends to happen when you suddenly start remembering things from your past lives and discovering that you have some remarkable spiritual gifts. I'm just saying...
3) The Topaz, though not perfectly healthy, still lives. We also have a second car, now, thank you to my future in-laws who have single-handedly proven to me that parents can actually be kind, loving, supportive and even friends.
4) My health is excellent. My diet varies but I struggle even more than before because I no longer eat any kind of red meat. Only seafood and, VERY rarely, some chicken. No more eggs, either. Believe it or not, I've done things with tofu that have even surprised me.
5) Jackie and I are doing well and she and the girls are still the center of my universe. The nineteen year old moved back in with her grandmother just after she broke up with her boyfriend. The fourteen year old is still brilliant and full of life and the nine year old is still so completely amazing because she notices things that people five times her age miss completely. Jackie and I should be getting married very, very soon. Again, more as things develop...
Okay, so I can't think of anything really poignant to talk about, even though the news has been fraught with interesting topics. Let's just reunite with a top ten about my life in an apartment full of women.
The Top Ten Things I've Actually Said In The Last Six Months:
10) "Okay, loaf of white bread, cheddar cheese, vegetarian refried beans and long-super maxis with wings."
9) "Where does one find strawberry glitter gloss?"
8) "Why does my hair brush smell like the cat box?"
7) "No, I am not seeking revenge for what you did to me three lifetimes ago, I swear."
6) "For the love of God, and all that's holy, don't ask me about your outfit. I'm male, remember?!?!"
5) "So far, when I try to meditate, I've been attacked by birds, bats, roaches, cats and kids but the worst obstacle is the neighbors screaming religious epithets while having sex."
4) "Does anyone know why my underwear is in the kitchen cupboard?"
3) "You can date any boy you want, right after I scare the crap out of him."
2) "You mean all three of you just started your cycle at the same time and the world hasn't exploded? It's like a menstrual miracle."
and the number one thing I've actually said in the last six months:
1) "Will you please not dry your bra by hanging it out the window of the car!"
See you all next week!
Quote for the week:
“No one should abandon duties because he sees defects in them. Every action, every activity, is surrounded by defects as a fire is surrounded by smoke.” ~ Lord Krishna from The Bhagavad Gita
Saturday, February 19, 2005
Zen and the art of automoblog repair...
Something tells me that Henry Ford did the same thing that most inventors do. First, design the machine to work. Then leave the rest to the engineers. Things like making parts accessible for replacement or repair. Cars seem to have been designed that way all along. They make them pretty and they make them strong but they refuse to make them easy to work on. That has never been a marketing trait since the first model A rolled off the assembly line in the beginning of the twentieth century.
Cut to modern day. Wide, establishing shot on an apartment complex carport. A tall, long-haired man is bent over the open engine compartment of a crappy early nineties white economy sedan. We hear the unmistakable sound of a tool drop followed by a string of unintelligible mumbling littered, liberally, with curses. Like a twisted prairie dog his head pops up to see if there is anyone around to be offended by the swearing. He then utters a few more choice epithets at the vehicle he's working on and lowers his grime streaked arms back into the engine compartment to retrieve the tool. All the while we hear the patter of rain and the rumbling of distant peals of thunder.
Yep, that was how I've spent most of the day. I'll be the first to admit that I know next to nothing about automotive repair. However, fate and my current lack of finances have rendered me desperate enough to try my hand. And try, and try. Our car has been making a horrible rattling sound for months that we've avoided repairing because of fiscal concerns. No money, no repairs. Well, the problem has now become a disaster. The kids were driving the car, to Starbucks no less, and it immediately lost all power steering and began to overheat. Not knowing what the actual problem was we had it towed home. The last time we had the car tuned up the repair place quoted us a couple of hundred dollars to replace the "tensioner" and water pump. Neither of which, I've now divined through trial, error, injury, insult, swearing, tantrums and many phone calls to the local Ford dealership, were the problem.
The engineer of the modern marvel known as the '92 Mercury Topaz, of which I own exactly one poor example, in his infinite wisdom designed with a serpentine belt driven by a crank shift extending from the bottom of the engine. This crank shaft has a pulley attached to it by a small rubber "gasket" called a crank pulley compression assembly that is notorious for failing and causing an unmistakable rattling sound before coming apart completely. Now, with all his education and wisdom his technical drawings didn't seem to reflect the obvious fact that when this part eventually failed to work it would have to be replaced leaving the unsuspecting victim, namely me, the owner, with only one option. Have the entire engine removed so that they can actually GET to said part. What kind of demented design monkey would come up with that? I've read about Nazi engineers that had more compassion!
Don't get me wrong, I love a challenge, when there's a reasonable solution but this seems unforgivably sadistic. Now were looking at several hundred dollars in labor alone. I hope that engineer has changed his name, address and appearance. Otherwise, I may need to find the little rat and gently ask him to do the repairs himself in order to avoid receiving a corn starch enema.
Enough on that rant, let's switch to this week's top ten. One I'm sure all of you will empathize with.
The Top Ten Reasons Engineers Don't Date:
10. They know the exact tensile strength of the latex used in condoms.
9. Hate mail is no longer being delivered by the USPS but by the original senders.
8. Still working on telling a "knock-knock" joke without having vegetables thrown at them.
7. They didn't design the car broken down in their own driveway.
6. Still all pruny from being stuck in "lather, rinse, repeat."
5. Too ashamed to admit a serious Tylenol addiction after that horrible paperclip incident.
4. Constantly being bitch-slapped by virtual dates is tough enough as it is.
3. General hygeine wasn't covered in Spacial Mechanics class.
2. They haven't left the house since being physically ejected from the last D&D gathering.
and the number one reason engineers don't date:
1. Human hardware still can't be fixed with software... yet.
Cut to modern day. Wide, establishing shot on an apartment complex carport. A tall, long-haired man is bent over the open engine compartment of a crappy early nineties white economy sedan. We hear the unmistakable sound of a tool drop followed by a string of unintelligible mumbling littered, liberally, with curses. Like a twisted prairie dog his head pops up to see if there is anyone around to be offended by the swearing. He then utters a few more choice epithets at the vehicle he's working on and lowers his grime streaked arms back into the engine compartment to retrieve the tool. All the while we hear the patter of rain and the rumbling of distant peals of thunder.
Yep, that was how I've spent most of the day. I'll be the first to admit that I know next to nothing about automotive repair. However, fate and my current lack of finances have rendered me desperate enough to try my hand. And try, and try. Our car has been making a horrible rattling sound for months that we've avoided repairing because of fiscal concerns. No money, no repairs. Well, the problem has now become a disaster. The kids were driving the car, to Starbucks no less, and it immediately lost all power steering and began to overheat. Not knowing what the actual problem was we had it towed home. The last time we had the car tuned up the repair place quoted us a couple of hundred dollars to replace the "tensioner" and water pump. Neither of which, I've now divined through trial, error, injury, insult, swearing, tantrums and many phone calls to the local Ford dealership, were the problem.
The engineer of the modern marvel known as the '92 Mercury Topaz, of which I own exactly one poor example, in his infinite wisdom designed with a serpentine belt driven by a crank shift extending from the bottom of the engine. This crank shaft has a pulley attached to it by a small rubber "gasket" called a crank pulley compression assembly that is notorious for failing and causing an unmistakable rattling sound before coming apart completely. Now, with all his education and wisdom his technical drawings didn't seem to reflect the obvious fact that when this part eventually failed to work it would have to be replaced leaving the unsuspecting victim, namely me, the owner, with only one option. Have the entire engine removed so that they can actually GET to said part. What kind of demented design monkey would come up with that? I've read about Nazi engineers that had more compassion!
Don't get me wrong, I love a challenge, when there's a reasonable solution but this seems unforgivably sadistic. Now were looking at several hundred dollars in labor alone. I hope that engineer has changed his name, address and appearance. Otherwise, I may need to find the little rat and gently ask him to do the repairs himself in order to avoid receiving a corn starch enema.
Enough on that rant, let's switch to this week's top ten. One I'm sure all of you will empathize with.
The Top Ten Reasons Engineers Don't Date:
10. They know the exact tensile strength of the latex used in condoms.
9. Hate mail is no longer being delivered by the USPS but by the original senders.
8. Still working on telling a "knock-knock" joke without having vegetables thrown at them.
7. They didn't design the car broken down in their own driveway.
6. Still all pruny from being stuck in "lather, rinse, repeat."
5. Too ashamed to admit a serious Tylenol addiction after that horrible paperclip incident.
4. Constantly being bitch-slapped by virtual dates is tough enough as it is.
3. General hygeine wasn't covered in Spacial Mechanics class.
2. They haven't left the house since being physically ejected from the last D&D gathering.
and the number one reason engineers don't date:
1. Human hardware still can't be fixed with software... yet.
Saturday, January 22, 2005
Recently Rezoned Little House On The Blog...
Mmmm... Cup of coffee, mystery curry mixture for breakfast, a quick cigarette because the mystery mixture upset my fragile stomach, a few dollars in my pocket and a list of errands that need to be run. That's my morning and plans for the day, so far. This weekend will be spent frantically trying to get something done with my SmartTShirts.com website so that we can start selling some of the clever T-Shirts that we've been able to come up with. Truthfully, I'm actually excited about that one. Jackie wants me to try writing an article based on some amazing facts we've discovered about the after-effects of weight loss surgery that we can "pitch" to a magazine to generate some temporary income. And we're going to make a big batch of Jackie's perfectly wonderful Enchilada Casserole and take it to her parent's place to feed the family after moving her brother into his new apartment. Sound like a lot? Yeah, well, it is.
Jackie and I spent most of the day, yesterday, with my twin brother helping him to pick up his new vehicle. He and his wife are in the process of moving to a small Minnesota town that was the literary home of Laura Ingalls-Wilder when she was a little girl. That's right, their moving to the prairie. Of course, it's not a prairie any more. Somebody knocked over the old schoolhouse and put up a strip mall. It just went downhill from there. It sounds like a big deal now but I'm sure that it seemed like a great idea at the time.
The grinding wheels of progress get more and more ludicrous looking when viewed through history. The ancient Romans thought it would be a good idea to convert the majestic Coliseum from a grand sports arena, hosting everything from slaves fighting other slaves and Christians being thrown to rabid lions to huge reproductions of ocean battles with the arena filled with enough water to hold the small ships, into a combination flea market and house of prostitution. Even the Chinese, whose structures have been around longer than recorded history in the western world, commonly use places like The Forbidden City and Tianenmen Square alternately for religious and political purposes but rarely for the original purposes they were built. Looking back, now, it seems wrong but someone, when pressed with the need for space and a shipment of ruffled leg warmers already on the way, realized that the old church they used to drive by might be just the right size to stack moldy boxes in.
That's right, house of worship, rat infested warehouse, den of iniquity... it's all the same to a clever real estate agent and a contracter with no conscience.
Next thing you know they'll be doing things like moving gravestones without exhuming the bodies to make way for a perfectly planned suburban tract home. I'm glad they haven't yet because that kind of thing could destroy the lives of one or two innocent families, lead to a host of psychic tourists sticking their noses in where they don't belong, open up a freak wormhole to the afterlife and seriously lower the value of said real estate. Eventually Steven Spielberg would probably run with the whole thing and make a movie out of it, hire some knucklehead like Craig T. Nelson to play the pot-smoking father and then get Industrial Lights and Magic (George Lucas' special effects dream team) to whip up a bunch of expensive effects to suck the audience into believing that all ghosts really want is to kidnap some cute little blond girl that watches too much television. Who's crazy enough to go see that?
Enough gibberish. It's time for a really silly top ten.
The Top Ten Movies That Never Got Made:
10. Lassie Came Home: A heart warming picture about a dog that just got out of rehab and now wants to settle the score with the top-secret military police organization who taught her how to kill but not how to live.
9. Blood, Sweat And Sheers: Richard Simmons stars in this gay, romantic comedy about a successful fitness expert that falls madly in love with his edgy, heavy metal hair-stylist.
8. Where's The Remote?: A satirical look at the life of a permanent bachelor who's only desire is to stay up late, naked, in bed, watching adult movies and eating Cheetos.
7. I've Got A Coupon For That: Finally, an epic for the rest of us about a single father who goes on a quest to buy a single-wide mobile home from a company who won't approve his loan.
6. Enter Your P.I.N.: An instant Sci-Fi classic about a cyborg that terrorizes shopping malls by grabbing hard working people waiting at the checkout stands with their debit cards and shouting, "Insufficient Funds!!"
5. Burn, Baby, Burn: Hard core documentary cum cult classic about a growing number of kids becoming obsessed with illegally downloading songs over the internet from obscure music albums like "John Denver Sings The Hymns" and "I Wanna Make Boom-Boom In My Pants".
4. Screw The Short Form: A new hero emerges from the pile of receipts and itemized deductions to take on the IRS and prove to them that they are going to need to write off a strong laxative and an enema.
3. Our Lady Of Perpetual Motion: Science, religion and mental illness all collide in this brilliant new musical about a young woman who wants to start an industrial convent that provides inexpensive power to people that don't own any electronics.
2. Get My Agent On The Phone: Movies about movie making show the excitement and glamour but this gem shows the rest of it... the boredom, the attitudes and the lack of napkins at the catering table.
And the number one movie that never got made:
1. Tibetan Ninja Chronicles: The Dalai Lama kicks some serious ass while trying to deal with conflicting feelings about being a pacifist.
"You're only given a little spark of madness. You mustn't lose it." ~ Robin Williams
Jackie and I spent most of the day, yesterday, with my twin brother helping him to pick up his new vehicle. He and his wife are in the process of moving to a small Minnesota town that was the literary home of Laura Ingalls-Wilder when she was a little girl. That's right, their moving to the prairie. Of course, it's not a prairie any more. Somebody knocked over the old schoolhouse and put up a strip mall. It just went downhill from there. It sounds like a big deal now but I'm sure that it seemed like a great idea at the time.
The grinding wheels of progress get more and more ludicrous looking when viewed through history. The ancient Romans thought it would be a good idea to convert the majestic Coliseum from a grand sports arena, hosting everything from slaves fighting other slaves and Christians being thrown to rabid lions to huge reproductions of ocean battles with the arena filled with enough water to hold the small ships, into a combination flea market and house of prostitution. Even the Chinese, whose structures have been around longer than recorded history in the western world, commonly use places like The Forbidden City and Tianenmen Square alternately for religious and political purposes but rarely for the original purposes they were built. Looking back, now, it seems wrong but someone, when pressed with the need for space and a shipment of ruffled leg warmers already on the way, realized that the old church they used to drive by might be just the right size to stack moldy boxes in.
That's right, house of worship, rat infested warehouse, den of iniquity... it's all the same to a clever real estate agent and a contracter with no conscience.
Next thing you know they'll be doing things like moving gravestones without exhuming the bodies to make way for a perfectly planned suburban tract home. I'm glad they haven't yet because that kind of thing could destroy the lives of one or two innocent families, lead to a host of psychic tourists sticking their noses in where they don't belong, open up a freak wormhole to the afterlife and seriously lower the value of said real estate. Eventually Steven Spielberg would probably run with the whole thing and make a movie out of it, hire some knucklehead like Craig T. Nelson to play the pot-smoking father and then get Industrial Lights and Magic (George Lucas' special effects dream team) to whip up a bunch of expensive effects to suck the audience into believing that all ghosts really want is to kidnap some cute little blond girl that watches too much television. Who's crazy enough to go see that?
Enough gibberish. It's time for a really silly top ten.
The Top Ten Movies That Never Got Made:
10. Lassie Came Home: A heart warming picture about a dog that just got out of rehab and now wants to settle the score with the top-secret military police organization who taught her how to kill but not how to live.
9. Blood, Sweat And Sheers: Richard Simmons stars in this gay, romantic comedy about a successful fitness expert that falls madly in love with his edgy, heavy metal hair-stylist.
8. Where's The Remote?: A satirical look at the life of a permanent bachelor who's only desire is to stay up late, naked, in bed, watching adult movies and eating Cheetos.
7. I've Got A Coupon For That: Finally, an epic for the rest of us about a single father who goes on a quest to buy a single-wide mobile home from a company who won't approve his loan.
6. Enter Your P.I.N.: An instant Sci-Fi classic about a cyborg that terrorizes shopping malls by grabbing hard working people waiting at the checkout stands with their debit cards and shouting, "Insufficient Funds!!"
5. Burn, Baby, Burn: Hard core documentary cum cult classic about a growing number of kids becoming obsessed with illegally downloading songs over the internet from obscure music albums like "John Denver Sings The Hymns" and "I Wanna Make Boom-Boom In My Pants".
4. Screw The Short Form: A new hero emerges from the pile of receipts and itemized deductions to take on the IRS and prove to them that they are going to need to write off a strong laxative and an enema.
3. Our Lady Of Perpetual Motion: Science, religion and mental illness all collide in this brilliant new musical about a young woman who wants to start an industrial convent that provides inexpensive power to people that don't own any electronics.
2. Get My Agent On The Phone: Movies about movie making show the excitement and glamour but this gem shows the rest of it... the boredom, the attitudes and the lack of napkins at the catering table.
And the number one movie that never got made:
1. Tibetan Ninja Chronicles: The Dalai Lama kicks some serious ass while trying to deal with conflicting feelings about being a pacifist.
"You're only given a little spark of madness. You mustn't lose it." ~ Robin Williams
Thursday, January 13, 2005
I sing the blog electric...
I heard a song the other day while I was out just running some errands. The words touched me so I thought I'd post them here and dedicate them to the woman that I love.
Jackie, you've given me life, meaning and provided me with a home for my heart. That means more than I could ever say.
Taking You Home
(Don Henley/Stan Lynch/Stuart Brawley)
I had a good life
Before you came
I had my friends and my freedom
I had my name
Still there was sorrow and emptiness
'Til you made me glad
Oh, in this love I found strength I never knew I had
And this love
Is like nothing I have ever known
Take my hand, love
I'm taking you home
I'm taking you home
There were days, lonely days
When the world wouldn't throw me a crumb
But I kept on believing
That this day would come
And this love
Is like nothing I have ever known
Take my hand, love
I'm taking you home
I'm taking you home
Where we can be with the ones who really care
Home, where we can grow together
Keep you in my heart forever
And this loveIs like nothing I have ever known
Take my hand, love
I'm taking you home
Taking you home
And this love
Is like nothing I have ever known
Take my hand, love
I'm taking you home
I'm taking you home
Love is a funny thing when you're trying to explain it to people. The nineteen year old has been with her boyfriend for ten months and was talking about their future together. The thirteen year old has a friend that's now eighteen and keeps saying that she needs a boyfriend. Even the nine year old asks her Mom and me about our relationship, sometimes. I've tried to explain to all of them about how I feel about love.
Love is something that is NOT a feeling. Love is much more than that. It's hard work, no matter how you look at it. It calls for action. It means doing things you don't want to do. Especially when you feel just the opposite. Giving of yourself when you feel like there's nothing left to give. But, fortunately, it also means finding joy in little things. An encouraging smile, a thoughtful concern when things are tough, a cold glass of something when you're thirsty or something to eat when you were too busy to realize you're hungry. Love can be painful but the deep contentment and self worth you can get from knowing you've done what's right, not what's easiest, can be the most rewarding thing of all.
It's true what the Bible says about love in I Corinthians 13: 4-8
"Love is patient, love is kind.
It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.
It is not rude, it is not self-seeking.
It is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.
Love does not delight in evil, but rejoices with the truth.
It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Love never fails."
It's not just Jackie that makes me think about love. It's the children. Maybe them especially because everything I do for them and every time I realize they're growing up and will, eventually, leave the nest. Parenting is the most rewarding and, simultaneously, the most excruciatingly painful endeavour in the whole of human history.
I agree with what Kahlil Gibran said in The Prophet:
"Ever has it been that love knows not its own depth until the hour of separation."
I want to see the children grow up and learn to live their own lives. To face the wide world, unafraid and prepared. The cruel irony is that I'll never truly be able to watch them do that without me feeling the pain and fear for them. I'll never be ready. But. I still plan on being the crazy, annoying guy screaming the loudest and telling everyone around me, "That's my daughter. Isn't she wonderful?"
I'll finish off this flowery, gushy blog with a flowery, gushy poem for my girls.
I'm a father
And I do the best I can
It's because of you
That I want to be a better man
I'll take on the world
And shake my fists at the sky
I'll teach you to run
And proudly watch as you learn to fly
Stuck here on the ground
With a broken wing that will never mend
My heart is flying because of you
I'll hold you up while you ascend
"Perhaps I know best why it is man alone who laughs; he alone suffers so deeply that he had to invent laughter." ~Friedrich Nietzsche
Jackie, you've given me life, meaning and provided me with a home for my heart. That means more than I could ever say.
Taking You Home
(Don Henley/Stan Lynch/Stuart Brawley)
I had a good life
Before you came
I had my friends and my freedom
I had my name
Still there was sorrow and emptiness
'Til you made me glad
Oh, in this love I found strength I never knew I had
And this love
Is like nothing I have ever known
Take my hand, love
I'm taking you home
I'm taking you home
There were days, lonely days
When the world wouldn't throw me a crumb
But I kept on believing
That this day would come
And this love
Is like nothing I have ever known
Take my hand, love
I'm taking you home
I'm taking you home
Where we can be with the ones who really care
Home, where we can grow together
Keep you in my heart forever
And this loveIs like nothing I have ever known
Take my hand, love
I'm taking you home
Taking you home
And this love
Is like nothing I have ever known
Take my hand, love
I'm taking you home
I'm taking you home
Love is a funny thing when you're trying to explain it to people. The nineteen year old has been with her boyfriend for ten months and was talking about their future together. The thirteen year old has a friend that's now eighteen and keeps saying that she needs a boyfriend. Even the nine year old asks her Mom and me about our relationship, sometimes. I've tried to explain to all of them about how I feel about love.
Love is something that is NOT a feeling. Love is much more than that. It's hard work, no matter how you look at it. It calls for action. It means doing things you don't want to do. Especially when you feel just the opposite. Giving of yourself when you feel like there's nothing left to give. But, fortunately, it also means finding joy in little things. An encouraging smile, a thoughtful concern when things are tough, a cold glass of something when you're thirsty or something to eat when you were too busy to realize you're hungry. Love can be painful but the deep contentment and self worth you can get from knowing you've done what's right, not what's easiest, can be the most rewarding thing of all.
It's true what the Bible says about love in I Corinthians 13: 4-8
"Love is patient, love is kind.
It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.
It is not rude, it is not self-seeking.
It is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.
Love does not delight in evil, but rejoices with the truth.
It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Love never fails."
It's not just Jackie that makes me think about love. It's the children. Maybe them especially because everything I do for them and every time I realize they're growing up and will, eventually, leave the nest. Parenting is the most rewarding and, simultaneously, the most excruciatingly painful endeavour in the whole of human history.
I agree with what Kahlil Gibran said in The Prophet:
"Ever has it been that love knows not its own depth until the hour of separation."
I want to see the children grow up and learn to live their own lives. To face the wide world, unafraid and prepared. The cruel irony is that I'll never truly be able to watch them do that without me feeling the pain and fear for them. I'll never be ready. But. I still plan on being the crazy, annoying guy screaming the loudest and telling everyone around me, "That's my daughter. Isn't she wonderful?"
I'll finish off this flowery, gushy blog with a flowery, gushy poem for my girls.
I'm a father
And I do the best I can
It's because of you
That I want to be a better man
I'll take on the world
And shake my fists at the sky
I'll teach you to run
And proudly watch as you learn to fly
Stuck here on the ground
With a broken wing that will never mend
My heart is flying because of you
I'll hold you up while you ascend
"Perhaps I know best why it is man alone who laughs; he alone suffers so deeply that he had to invent laughter." ~Friedrich Nietzsche
Saturday, January 08, 2005
A long walk off a short blog...
I was supposed to log in and update with a holiday top ten. Yeah, that was the plan. Every time I've hunkered down in front of this silly computer (that I'm trying to earn a living with) there is always something that prevents me from finishing the entry. I've got several drafts saved but now the holidays are over they'll be getting deleted. So much for good intentions. The new top ten is about the aftermath of the holidays.
The holidays were bittersweet for us. We had fun but mixed in were the trials and tribulations of family turmoil both in our little apartment and the extended family we saw during those obligatory get togethers. It's amazing how fast things can go from bad to worse when family members jump in and try to fix things. You know, I was going to sit and bitch about all the things that I went through over the holidays but I've changed my mind. I'll get it out but keep it short and sweet with an a-typically (NOT!) tongue-in-cheek top ten.
The Top Ten Things Heard During Family Holiday Parties:
10. You know, you've been moody since you started potty training.
9. (From the one holding the electric knife) Do you want to fight or can I just carve the *&#!@* turkey?
8. Screw the food... where's the egg nog? (Yes, that one was me.)
7. If you people don't shut up long enough to let me bless the food I'm going to hurt someone.
6. I think Dad's either watching the football game or yelling at your brother again.
5. Fine, I'm taking my triple chocolate fudge nutty chewy goodness bars and going home.
4. Buying gifts for three year olds is tough. I can't tell if she's more excited about the wrapping, the box or the Barbie that she just threw in the fireplace.
3. Hey! Tree trimmings do NOT include pets, silverware, underwear or anything that is supposed to be on the table for dinner!
2. I asked you to put on some Christmas music. To date, I'm not sure that Snoop Dogg has actually released a holiday CD.
and the number one thing heard during holiday family parties:
1. Naked, dancing on tables, flirting with every guy in the room... yep, grandpa's had too much to drink.
I hope your New Year is turning out to be all that you hoped for... and then some.
"Any idiot can face a crisis - it's day to day living that wears you out."
~Anton Chekhov
The holidays were bittersweet for us. We had fun but mixed in were the trials and tribulations of family turmoil both in our little apartment and the extended family we saw during those obligatory get togethers. It's amazing how fast things can go from bad to worse when family members jump in and try to fix things. You know, I was going to sit and bitch about all the things that I went through over the holidays but I've changed my mind. I'll get it out but keep it short and sweet with an a-typically (NOT!) tongue-in-cheek top ten.
The Top Ten Things Heard During Family Holiday Parties:
10. You know, you've been moody since you started potty training.
9. (From the one holding the electric knife) Do you want to fight or can I just carve the *&#!@* turkey?
8. Screw the food... where's the egg nog? (Yes, that one was me.)
7. If you people don't shut up long enough to let me bless the food I'm going to hurt someone.
6. I think Dad's either watching the football game or yelling at your brother again.
5. Fine, I'm taking my triple chocolate fudge nutty chewy goodness bars and going home.
4. Buying gifts for three year olds is tough. I can't tell if she's more excited about the wrapping, the box or the Barbie that she just threw in the fireplace.
3. Hey! Tree trimmings do NOT include pets, silverware, underwear or anything that is supposed to be on the table for dinner!
2. I asked you to put on some Christmas music. To date, I'm not sure that Snoop Dogg has actually released a holiday CD.
and the number one thing heard during holiday family parties:
1. Naked, dancing on tables, flirting with every guy in the room... yep, grandpa's had too much to drink.
I hope your New Year is turning out to be all that you hoped for... and then some.
"Any idiot can face a crisis - it's day to day living that wears you out."
~Anton Chekhov
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